We are really unhappy and cannot talk about what we both want without going down the same old rabbit holes or getting completely stuck - can counselling help us decide whether to part?
Relationships can reach a point where one or both of you aren’t sure how you feel about staying in the relationship and can’t see a way forward together. Sometimes you’ve been arguing so much that separating looks like the only way to finally end the conflict between you. Or maybe you’ve ended up feeling like siblings or “just good friends” and you don’t think you can get back the lively chemistry you once enjoyed together, which makes looking for a new partner seems like the only answer.
It is tempting to act impulsively to end a relationship when you feel like you are out of ideas and options. Counselling helps you re-evaluate your relationship and come to a decision about what you can do that will help you either create a new relationship with each other, or make sure you avoid taking unfinished business into a new relationship if you decide to part.
What can we do if we have already reached the point where we think we should part permanently (and maybe get divorced if we are married) but want to be sure we are making a good decision?
If you are at an impasse with each other and heading towards an end to your relationship, but you still want to be sure that a permanent parting of the ways is the best way forward, one option is to make the decision to have a fully negotiated trial separation. This would mean having counselling sessions before, during and after the trial separation, using counselling to help you agree what the purpose of the separation will be as well as manage the boundaries of the separation (i.e. how you will behave during the separation, the contact you will have, other partners or not, financial arrangements, etc.) and evaluate the separation as you go along as well as manage emotions and any difficulties that arise.