What are sessions like?

My aim is to listen objectively and fairly to both of you. It isn't about me taking sides, I work to genuinely understand the position and feelings of each client.  Part of the process is for me  to clearly communicate the position of one partner to the other partner in a way that the other can hear it in a non-defensive way. 

It is common that you will have different positions as well as different expectations about what you want to get from counselling.  You and your partner may have a very different sense of the state of the relationship ... it's might be that one of you suspects that the relationship is finished, whilst your partner really wants it to continue. My role is to genuinely honour and value both positions, without trying to influence things in either direction. 

Who is couple counsellling for?

I will work with you if you are married or life partners or intimate friends and whatever your sexual orientation or gender. I will also work with other relationship pairs like parent and adult child (18 or over), work colleagues, etc.

Do you see us separately?

Not usually, it is generally more straightforward if I see you both at the same time. The important focus in couple counselling is that you come to understand each other more fully and this entails working together on your issues rather than separately.

Will you tell us what to do? 

I will make suggestions about things you can explore and help you to "hear" each other but I won't be telling you whether your relationship should come to an end or not.  When you are uncertain about your future it is my role to create a safe space in which you can each start to get a clearer picture in your own head about your desires and wishes as individuals and for your relationship.  This will help you come to a mutual decision about the future of your relationship.

We aren't about to break up, we love each other, we are just struggling with issues in our life together and under stress as a couple, can counselling help us?

Sometimes you may be trying to deal with events that affect you both like the death of a child or fertility problems, or maybe one of you has lost their job or retired, these kinds of experiences create changes in your life together which you may be dealing with very differently. It can be difficult to understand each other in these situations or find a way to accommodate the demands placed upon you as individuals and as a couple.  My role here is to help you feel more resourced and understand each other's viewpoint, which will facilitate a mutually supportive and enjoyable here and now as well as enriching your future together.